Please note that if you were expecting to read a post about either Pilates or Rock, then I’m sorry but this is under the category of “Venting”. I hope you still read it though. Thank you.
Monkey and Bimble are on their half term break, so I planned a surprise trip to Legoland in Malaysia today. It’s about 45 minutes from our home, we have to travel across the causeway linking Singapore (an island) to Malaysia. The Rock, who is a self confessed Lego nut, took the day off and was probably the most excited person in the car this morning. I had made sure that I was clear of any pilates appointments today, and after slapping on loads of sunscreen, we were ready to leave home at 8.45.
I knew it was going to be a day of errors when minutes into our journey, I glanced at the fuel gauge and discovered that we were not at our minimum 75% fuel capacity as required by the Singapore authorities (this is to prevent Singaporean drivers from nipping across to Malaysia for cheaper petrol). So on we went looking for a petrol station and then we got stuck in the immigration queue. What was meant to be a 45 minute trip was a 1 hour 40 minute trip. Strike One.
Rumours had been whispered that Legoland Malaysia was hotter than the sun. I can now confirm, dear readers, that this is now fact and no longer a rumour. The trees they had planted will probably provide a sliver of shade in about, oh I don’t know, 25 years? Strike Two.
There were a few rollercoasters to ride on, but neither girl was interested. I would have gone by myself but the thought of standing in the long queue which warned that the wait was 45 minutes, whilst trying to avoid my shoes from getting stuck on the melting tarmac held little joy for me. In Universal Studios here in Singapore, you can buy a “speed pass” which means you actually don’t have to queue. I would have paid a small fortune to be able to get my family on rides in order to dodge queueing in the heat. Strike Three.
As a family of four we went on one of those “Adventure Rides”. That was probably the highlight of our trip. But please remember, that the bar had been set so very low that had someone accidentally chucked a cupful of ice on me, I would have hugged them! On the ride we had laser guns to shoot the scary Lego snakes, Lego mummies, and Lego pharoahs. The Rock’s highlight of the day was that he beat all of our scores : His score was 18,000, mine was 7,500, and neither Bimble nor Monkey scored any points although they did enjoy holding onto those laser guns. Charlton Heston would be so very proud.
The girls rode on 4 rides that only those aged 6 and less would enjoy, then we decided it was time for a spot of lunch. Seems like everyone else had the same cunning plan of going to the one and only air conditioned restaurant. It was a long enough queue, but at least my mascara had stopped running down my face. Plus my sweat drenched tshirt was now chilling in the cool restaurant, which I found a huge relief.
We were looking for inspiration, and found none. The only other thing that was of any interest was the Miniland, which transported you back to what Gulliver must have felt like in Lilliput. Man there are a lot of Lego nerds (I mean this in the nicest possible way) out there, don’t you think? I read that it took one Lego Modeller a year to build a cruise ship. It took another, 3 years to build the Petronas Twin Towers (see picture). I tip my hat off to them, I would have chucked my pile of lego bricks on the floor, kicked them and stormed outta there in minutes. You’ve probably guessed that Lego building ain’t my thang.
I found Legoland uninspiring, soulless, lacking charm. The primary colours of Lego provided a bland atmosphere to my preferred shades of pastel and shimmer and metallic. Why do something half hearted? Why not build an adventure theme park, the first in Malaysia, to be the best so that people will come back, so that people will not write negative blogs on it? The fact that Monkey and Bimble seemed absolutely non plussed when The Rock and I announced that, having only spent a mere 3 hours there, we were going home, is probably testament that even the kids didn’t think much of it. I know I keep harping on about how hot it was, but didn’t they think it was a good idea to provide relief from the heat? Malaysia’s average annual temperature during the day is between 30C-40C. How about cooling fans by someone like Cool Merchant? Look at the link – even horses get better treatment than us mere humans do!
But perhaps it would appeal to the older child. If I were to ever head back to Legoland, it would be when the girls were between the ages of 10-13, and where they could run around all they wish queueing for rides that snaked round buildings, while I found an airconditioned spot or a shady tree. Oh wait. No shade for another 20 odd years. Sod that then.
Back to the car we went. I was muttering under my breath like a grumpy old person about things lacking in Legoland, when upon opening the car doors, blasts of hot air whooshed out and singed our eyebrows, burning our retinas where I dropped to my knees clutching my eyes screaming “I can’t seeeeee!!!” (alright of course I didn’t, but I was this close). Open air parking you see. So that was another 20 minutes with the air conditioning blasting to cool the car enough so that we wouldn’t leave the skin from our thighs on the hot car seats.
Legoland, you had three strikes, and we were Out.